I’m Losing my Son to COVID-19

Relational and educational struggles at the beginning of this school year initiated a struggle with mental health, substance abuse, and addiction for our oldest son. He is a brilliant and charming kid, but was unwilling to participate in counseling, or any other treatment.

In February an encounter with law enforcement resulted in him having to comply with much needed treatment.

That is his story, not mine to go into… but trust me there are lots of details. Tears, paperwork, visits, prayers, driving and more driving, juggling the other kids, friends stepping in to help, navigating marriage and grief, making difficult decisions, teams of people who care for our son, sleep deprivation, uncertainty, hard meetings, tears, paperwork, tears, paperwork. Prayers.

Was my son healed in almost two months of in-patient and out-patient treatment?

No.

But progress was being made. He was clean – communicative. His eyes were brighter. There were hugs, counseling sessions, smiles, local shopping trips, meetings with school counselors, difficult conversations that we got through.

There was a plan for re-entry. He had made the transition from full-time patient to an outpatient program, and he was to rejoin the structure and rhythm of his charter school class days. The teachers and administration were SO PROUD of him for working on his mental health and there was a plan in place to help him have a successful transition.

The KEY TO ALL OF IT was his time in class, with adults other than parents or healthcare professionals who he was ready to get back to working on his future with. The KEY TO ALL OF IT was seeing his friends each day in a structured setting where they were celebrating that rehab had made a positive difference in his life.

The week he was supposed to return to class, schools closed.

As we scrambled to come up with a new plan with his counselors; the out patient program he was in started restricting access to essential mental healthcare. Only emergency services (inpatient) which he had done well enough to be discharged from were fully functional.

In an effort to be SAFE what do you think the first thing out-patient cut was?

They cancelled the family sessions. The patients could still come to the program, but no family members were allowed on campus. Our son was in crisis and they severed his most crucial connection.

As he watched his school closed, restrictions mount, adults give contradictory commands, and chaos build… Our son’s focus and health began to decline again.

He was discharged from the outpatient program for shooting a spit wad out of a straw.

In the time of COVID this release of bodily fluids was documented as assault. So he was denied healthcare services and sent home without the structure of school… and he found much more than spit wads to occupy his time.

Before you think we are bad parents, CA makes it very difficult (that’s an understatement) to obtain treatment for a minor who is not compliant. Thus all the tears, paperwork, prayers. We had finally gotten him where he needed to be, and then COVID abruptly ripped that all away from him.

His counselors said they could send him to an out of state residential facility which was still open since it is of course essential. However COVID restrictions would not allow them to transport him. What use is healthcare if you can’t access it?

Mental health and addiction crisis do not take a holiday because there is a pandemic on. And they do not discriminate. The color of my son’s skin has not protected him.

I was quiet as my family suffered through this and fought desperately for our son’s continuity of care as COVID restrictions escalated. I was quiet even when the guidelines were illogical, harmful, and contradicted themself.

I was quiet out of respect for all those fighting the virus and the families and friends of those who lost their lives to COVID.

However no one is being quiet anymore.

This is a pivotal moment for the black community.

But that is not the only thing happening. If my son weren’t struggling NOW I would wait until later to speak up. If he didn’t need the structure and support of school NOW then I would only amplify black voices of protest against injustice.

After his encounter with law enforcement and the ensuing treatment he received, one of the biggest safeguards to his behavior was knowing that there are police officers who care and are ALWAYS watching.

Now he is seeing their authority being challenged and literally burned to the ground.

YES I know my son’s encounter could have gone differently if he were black instead of white. But there were black kids at the same facility as my son with very similar stories to his. Law enforcement stepping in brought hope for these kids. Mental health treatment was just as necessary during COVID as before. Schools offered structure and a path forward.

I kept quiet while my son was left to struggle on his own. I was quiet as I saw him regress and all the progress he had made be undone. I was quiet knowing this injustice was too big for me to fight, knowing this time of quarantine and it’s collateral damage will affect the rest of his life.

But now… Now when he leaves the house I don’t just have to worry about him encountering a few negative influences. I know full well that anywhere he goes he can find gatherings of hundreds or thousands who are masked, and many are bent on mayhem. When he leaves this house he won’t be going to school or counseling. He may end up in the middle of a protest turned sideways by incognito militia. He may witness the law enforcement that had held him accountable to correct citizenship being mocked, threatened, burnt to the ground.

There are many voices calling for the necessary check on abuse of power They are calling for long overdue justice.

But I know that if my son is going through this there are others… So I will be THIS voice.

There are “cops” that have abused their power and it has been harmful and deadly. However the black and white men that knocked on my door with our son in the back of their car late one night in February – they are my heroes. They got my son the care he needed, that he wouldn’t accept any other way. And now their hardwork is being undone.

There are ways to lose someone to COVID-19 that have nothing to do with being infected.

I just pray we regain some sense, and our government officials stop denying us the right to public education, healthcare, support services, worship, community, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness before it’s too late for my son.

Hundreds of thousands are gathering to protest – as they should. But my son is still being denied access to a classroom with a few students and one teacher.

There are ways to lose someone to COVID-19 that have nothing to do with being infected.

. . .

What can you do to help my son and other kids like him?

Write, call, petition our state and federal elected representatives and demand that the services that we pay for and that our children need and have a right to are restored.

Congress

Senate

State Governor

Peaceful protests are a VITAL part of this nation. Looting and violence is never a justifiable means to an end, and bottom line…

CLASSROOMS ARE NOT MORE CROWDED OR DANGEROUS THAN THESE PROTESTS.

Our children are safer in school than on the streets and whoever thinks a teenager can be put on quarantine house arrest for several months does not have a teenager, has forgotten their own teen years, and is not aware of the right’s that a minor possesses. Securing our children’s right to education this fall STARTS NOW.

And trust me, online is NOT the same as in-person. As a decade long homeschool veteran I will be sharing more about that in another post…

Thank you friends, for listening, caring, praying, and speaking up.