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Yearly Archives: 2010
It was our first time home alone as a family and we followed the kids lead… went to bed late on Christmas Eve, woke up early the next morning, tore through all the presents, ate too many cookies, stayed in our pj's all day! We were ridiculously silly and snuggly… and so very very grateful for all the good gifts God has given this year, made all the sweeter by the pain and fear we have journeyed through this year.
i'm sorry my posting has been few and far between and totally dominated by this little guy… but i am just so very very in love and every spare moment that isn't spent preparing a cozy little Christmas for my four men is spent snugglin on the couch with my babyman i have been busy, baking, crafting, creating and photographing and coming up with goals and plans… and in 2011 i will share… but blogging all my myriad ideas will keep and baby boys grow up so my tippy top priority is soaking them all in one book-reading snuggle and homemade project at a time! i know you understand – xo
i would not have survived this day if God had not given me another, Jeremiah there was no question what to do one year later, there were things I knew I MUST do go to the beach, read the Psalm, sing the songs, let go a balloon, throw a rock
and then I knew it was as it was supposed to be. I didnt let go of Joshua, he was ripped away from me. I wanted to let go of the balloons but they were ripped away… and they floated not out to sea as I had imagined but back over our house and lingered so long that it looked like we had created a new star. and God whispered to me, "I know you didn't want him to go, but he is not gone, he is with me" and we held eachother in the parking lot and we cried, and when we couldnt see the tiny star anymore we went to the beach… our boys built Mountain Everest out of sand and ran and laughed and played and lived and didn't know our sadness and felt our peace and our joy I think and we read Psalm 139 and we trusted God and we sang and thanked Him for Joshua and oh we thanked Him for sending Jeremiah to save and heal our hearts and make the day that Joshua would have been a year old bearable and we watched the sun set beautifully between two perfect clouds, leaving a tiny cloud in its place between them and soft, glistening pinks, purples, and soft soft baby blue to bathe the water, sky and sand in the most peaceful colors I have ever seen we threw a rock into the sea that holds his body and we went home, still missing him – but happy and full and so very grateful in awe of our God and excited about our lives, thankful for our little men (as we drove away there was one single real star hovering right where our balloon dissapeared) this day, this year has passed and the blinding blanket of grief has been lifted. I am left with a stone for every member of our family, two blocks with a J carved on them, beauty, truth, the promise that I will meet my fourth son some day and a life to live today for the three sons I hold here on earth
He's Here. In My Arms. Safe. Alive. Breathing. Nursing. Pooping. Peeing. Growing. Grunting and Cooing. Wearing his clothes. Sleeping on my tummy. Making his Daddy fall madly in love with him. Meeting his brothers. Keeping us up at night. Making all our dreams come true. Filling our hearts with love. and Gratitude. So Much Gratitude. all the things Joshua never did, seem like miracles now. Jeremiah Asher McKeeman born three weeks early at 5:53 on September 7, 2010. brought into the world through an emergency c-section in the midst of circumstances that threatened both our lives… but Thank God He's Here! nestled on me while I pray for a life together – a life spent teaching him, loving him, helping him grow, learning to be the mother he needs… He's Here, Healing my Heart. I don't know why God didn't let my Joshua stay with me but I am so thankful He has given me Jeremiah. The recovery has been difficult, but as I spend time healing physically I see that I don't want to just heal emotionally, I want to be transformed. Transformation that comes from walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Transformation that brings true life to every beautiful moment in this journey. Transformation that teaches me how to love and nurture these precious gifts God has given, my children. Jeremiah means sent by God McKeeman means he has been entrusted to our family and Asher is the part of his name that brings the tears fast and full and provide for those who grieve in Zion— Isaiah 61:3 |
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